How can I handle my anger?

When I am angry I can not control myself, and I vent myself screaming, throwing things, breaking or destroying everything I encounter. It is something that gets out of my hands and dominates me, is like a bomb that explodes at the least expected time and very often.

If you feel that way, and you have managed to make the decision to learn to handle that anger, explosiveness and all that anger compressed inside, I want to tell you that with these tools you can find a little light to understand this problem that both children and Adults are having.

The issue of emotions as anger, it is important to see it with a vision of naturalness because when we dictate that this is bad or good we create a misperception of ourselves, believing that you are a bad person if we often feel emotions such as anger or anger.

Actually, all emotions are natural mechanisms of adaptation and help us to defend ourselves from painful situations, so they are adaptive and somehow regulate our inner world. In addition, they are a warning sign to review that we are doing well or if there is a subject that has not yet been overcome and that causes us dislike.

What is behind the anger is a lot of pain that can not be expressed in words and an inability to express it correctly, not because we do not have the capacity to do it but because we have not learned to express that emotion.

The issue of dealing with anger and explosiveness in adults is a bit more complicated, since it requires a lot of willingness to change patterns of thoughts and behaviors with which they have grown and have been reproduced with their partner and family in the form of violence or Mistreatment

However, therapeutic work allows the person to develop sufficient communication skills and the emotional intelligence needed to deal with anger or anger. It also increases empathy and diminishes the selfishness that is the basis where anger is generated, which prevents us from seeing beyond our own desires or expectations.

In order to start managing anger, these elements must be taken into account:

1. Identify my physical or physiological reaction when I start to get angry.

Knowing your physical reaction when you start bothering or irritating will allow you to prevent explosive moments and to detect when an explosive or aggressive episode begins.

2. Give yourself time out.

This is very important when you know you can not control yourself, start by giving yourself time to breathe and think about what you are going to say and its consequences. When you feel that the blood is rising to the head and wants to explode, stop, get out of the place and breathe slowly to think your answer. Then find the right time to talk about what you felt and that made you feel that way.

3. Authentic expression of what has generated my anger.

This brings people to reflection, I usually teach my patients, that in order to correctly express their emotions, they have to speak in the first person, for example:

"I'm angry, by the way you ignored what I told you. I feel like you do not listen to me, that makes me uncomfortable. "

You speak directly of your feeling, and you express reason. When one speaks in the first person, he realizes that this emotion is internal and proper, which becomes manageable for oneself.

4. Avoid interpretations

Whenever you have any confusion about an issue with your partner, do not hesitate to ask to avoid misinterpretation. Most conflicts and discomforts in relationships with both friends and partners are because we draw conclusions and interpretations based on our mental schemes.

And each person thinks differently, what for one is annoying for the other can be funny, and vice versa. Not all people want to hurt you, so always check the intent of the people before automatically interpreting. You will avoid many annoyances.